Healing The Great Hurt

boy. Um, if you don't have a note pad or something to write with, you should grab it. It would be good. I I uh I'm very convicted on the fact that um church needs to be a place where you learn also.

Okay. I really want you if if a year from now, if you've been coming here listening to my voice and a year from now, you've not grown, either I failed or you failed. One of us failed. Um or maybe both.

But um I really believe that that uh this should be a place not just for fellowship um and and uh just the joy of seeing each other and and just encouragement and everything, but we also should learn and grow. Today I'm going to talk about healing the great hurt. And it's a very important message I think and it's um really different. Um the great hurt almost everyone has a deep hurt down inside whether they acknowledge it or not.

Okay. Um it usually begins when you're young. It could be divorce and I am going to lose it at multiple times during this thing because it's very real to me. Okay.

Um it could be divorce. Okay. And and you're a little kid and and that world that was so secure breaks apart. Okay.

You may even think it's your fault. I'm here to tell you it's not your fault. Okay? It's those parents had their own great hurt.

Okay? And you know, the sins of the father goes down to the fourth generation. They say, um maybe you grew up in a house where there was no father and so you felt unloved. You know, maybe you grew up um and you were abused.

You know, maybe a father told you you were never good enough. Or maybe a mom, you know, was just never happy with who you were. and and was never satisfied. Okay, maybe no matter what you did, you got criticized.

Maybe it was worse. Maybe you were physically abused, even raped by a family member. Okay, um maybe it wasn't that bad, but as a teenager when you're so care about what other people think, you go to school and you got bullied and they ridiculed you and they ragged on you and you felt like um a loser or whatever. Okay?

Okay. Or maybe you fell in love and and that person took that love and took it to another person and that just broke your heart. Maybe you've got a church wound. That happens, man.

Um where where you know the church just failed you. Okay. A million sad backstories. And during all of them, what happens is the devil comes in and tries to convince you that how you feel in that moment and who you are in that moment is who you really are.

Okay. And it's a lie. The devil is the father of lies. Okay.

It's a lie. But because you're hurting, it sure does feel real. Okay? And it's easier almost to believe it than it is to believe what God says about you.

So deep down the great hurt gets manifested. It's not if you have it, I would say almost every American. It's very rare to have someone who doesn't have any back trauma from their childhood. and um doesn't have any is healthy.

Okay. Um you can get there and we're going to talk about getting there today. Okay? Because you don't have to stay there.

Um that's not what Jesus came to do. Okay? But it's easy to to get full in there because we're embarrassed because we think we're the only ones who think like this. We tend to hide it.

Okay? And when you hide things, when you keep them down in in that deep place, the devil can still mess with you. Okay? Maybe you put we create control mechanisms where if if you're a control freak, if people would call you a control freak, chances are you've got a deep hurt that you've not addressed.

Okay? People could be married and never tell each other about the deep hurt. Okay? Because we hide it.

You know, even narcissists are people that are um hurting and they just use the tools to control their environment. Okay, a lot of people will put on a mask. Uh my mask, okay, I had a deep hurt. I didn't know it at the time.

My mask was successful businessman. And you can become so good at your mask that eventually that is how you people see you. you know, whether it's, you know, struggling single mom, whether it's, you know, perfect homemaker, whether it's whatever, you hide behind a mask, never letting anyone know that there's this deep hurt. For 20 years, I'm driving, driven to be a successful businessman.

And uh all of that time, I had this deep hurt. In fact, if you see someone really driving, you know, whether it's in ministry, really driving and whatever, chances are they're driving because they want to prove to somebody somewhere in the past, okay? That they're worthy, that they're good. Okay?

And so the question is, what mask are you wearing? Okay? Who are you trying to convince the world you are? Maybe you're a chameleon.

Maybe you're you're one way around some people and a different way around other people. Okay, that's a form of the mask. Maybe you're, you know, a narcissist, a passive aggressive or a normal narcissist. Those are people that are trying to use the things of gaslighting, of uh, you know, deferring deflecting denying you know, love bombing and then pulling back.

These are control mechanisms. Okay? We try to control our environment so that no one can find out about the deep hurt. Okay.

So the question is what is my mask or what is my coping mechanism? Write it down. Think about and write it down. This is something you can do for homework.

Okay. Some people will go turn towards alcohol and drugs or porn to try to medicate or sedate and try to keep the deep hurt at at bay. Okay. Porn is rarely about sex, by the way.

Okay? It's almost always about control or about um escape or about something else. It's rarely about control. And even in the church, maybe even especially in the church because people feel like they can't really let other people know that they're hurting because then they won't know they're not a good Christian.

Okay. They they put on a mask. You know, this is a this is a typical scene in many churches across the country. So, Jack and Jill are driving to church.

You know, they're bickering. The two kids are in the back. Sally punches, you know, Betty. And, you know, the dad's swinging back there trying to stop and they're fighting all the way to church.

They pull into the church parking lot in next to him pull the Johnson's. You know, the Johnson's seem to have it all together, right? But, but actually, they're close to divorce. They just hide it.

No one knows it. Okay. in. They pull out.

Tom Johnson gets out. How you doing, brother? Jack gets out. I'm doing great.

How about you? God is good all the time. And all the time God is good. [laughter] And then they go into their carefully curated music scene and their carefully carefully curated beautiful thing.

And the pastor does a great, you know, feel-good message and then they and for a hour they get a break from their life and then they go back to the car back to the 167 other hours in the week where life is tough. If all churches is a escape for one hour, it's nothing more than glorified drug. Okay? It should be a place where you come to heal, where you come to taste and drink of the Lord because he is good.

And and Jesus is the answer to the great hurt. Okay. So, three steps to healing the great hurt. I said, >> "Mom, love you."

Okay. She actually mailed up xyllem. These are those things you can put in your mouth and that'll keep you moist, you know. And uh so I just called her out in front of everyone.

It's beautiful. So the first step is to acknowledge that you have a deep hurt. Okay. Four years ago, um and it can I mean I was 50some.

Okay. So four years ago I'm 55. I'm I'm going to the Cross Loganville and and uh Tim Cash gets the the pastor there gets the idea to do a radical mentoring thing. Um which he'd heard in a in a church up in North Carolina.

And so he tagged me as being one of the, you know, the leaders of that. And and so what it was was you read nine books in nine months, okay? And you do a report on each one, a one pager, and you get you're in a small group and you get together and you talk about it once a month. And so the first book that year was a book called Bose's Cafe.

And it made me realize that, oh my goodness, I've got a deep hurt. I'd been hiding it my whole life. I didn't even realize. I knew that when I'd have times where I felt bad about things or I, you know, when the when the when it's quiet and there's no noise, you know, some people just want to always keep it noisy so they're not quietly thinking about some of the deeper things.

But I always knew, you know, there was something. But I didn't really get that I had a deep hurt. Okay. Um and and I beg you to get real with yourself.

It's not if you have a deep hurt, you do. It's what is it and how do you cope? Okay. What's your mask or your strategy?

What is your deep hurt? We must acknowledge that somewhere that deep down inside, okay, we got hurt and a lie was created and it's very possible we are clinging to that lie. What does that small little voice say you are? Okay, so that's the first step is you've got to get real with yourself.

Healing is on the other side of that. But if you don't know there's something wrong, you can't fix it, right? And it's not you fixing it, by the way. It's Jesus.

The second step is to embrace the truth. Okay? It what Jesus says you are. All right?

The deep hurt is a lie. It's a lie. You aren't that person. You're not that person that gets beat on.

You're not that person who gets abused. It's a It's a lie. Okay? Who does Jesus say you are?

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. You're a new creation.

When you ask Jesus into your heart, the Holy Spirit comes into your heart. The Holy Spirit's perfect, okay? Perfection literally comes into you. Now, you do have to feed it.

This book, okay? And prayer are the things that feed the spirit. And as the spirit grows in your life, the flesh falls away, okay? And you begin.

But you we have to walk in that freedom. So many people will stay in bondage because they don't really get that they are a new creation. Okay. Um, a Strong's concordance is a great tool for you to use uh if you're doing Bible study because it what it does you can look up any word and then go to the original Hebrew if it's the Old Testament or the original Greek if it's the New Testament.

And so I I wrote a book once um called Perfect Love. It was my second book. And I did a word search for the word love and I I began in in Genesis and went down. And so in Genesis, you know, Exodus, Numbers, Leviticus, or a Haba.

And a hab is like, you know, I love pizza. It's that kind of love. Okay? And a haba is more like, you know, you love a person.

Okay? It's a little bit deeper. And that's the verb every time until you get to Deuteronomy 7 verse 7. Okay?

Here the word is chashag. All right? And I'm sure I'm pronouncing that wrong. The Lord did not set his love, this is dut Deuteronomy 7:7, the Lord did not set his love, his chashag on you, nor choose you because you were more in number than any other people.

For you were the least of all the peoples. So ches means this. Check this out. When God says he chose you, okay, he chose you.

Chashag is a prime root. means to cling to or to join, to delight in, to desire, to long for or to set in longing for, or to set in love. Okay, drink that in. The Lord God chose you and he delights in you.

Delights in you, okay? He's not embarrassed by you. He delights in you just as you are. He sets his love on you.

We may think we don't deserve it or whatever. It's kind of like a toddler, okay? Toddler's trying to and then and it takes that first step and it falls and everyone's around there. Oh, yay.

You know, they're all clapping. They're all happy, you know, and then then they put him up again and he takes a step and he falls. It's a Yeah, that baby's failing. Actually, if you think about it, the baby is failing.

They're not walking. They're falling down. They're failing. But, but we're just looking at it so happy, so loving, so so much whatever.

We know they're going to be walking one day, okay? And we don't love that baby once that baby starts being able to walk across the room. We don't love that baby anymore, okay? Than we did when they were struggling.

And it's the same. God looks at you. Think of that, okay? When you fail and you feel like a loser, God's not looking at you that way.

He's sitting there, oh, you tried, you know, oh man, you know, great. He loves you, okay? He accepts you. You're his child.

You're fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139 13-18. This is David writing. It's so beautiful.

He says, "For you were formed you. For you," he's talking to God now. "For you formed my inward parts. You covered me in my mother's womb.

I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance being yet unformed and in your book they were all written the days fashioned for me.

That's bad when the bringing up water. All right, you're so sweet. Um, your eyes saw my substance being yet unformed and in your book they were all written the days fashioned for me when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are your thoughts to me, oh God.

How great is the sum of them? If I should count them, they should be more in number than the sand. When I wake, I am still with you. As numerous as the sand is how much he thinks about you before you even wake up in the morning.

I I don't know if I'm describing this as clearly as possible, but God is crazy about you. He It's not a little bit love. It's not like, oh, you know, I think I think he's kind of cool. No, no, no, no, no.

He's absolutely crazy about you and you and you and you. He's crazy about you. Okay. Want you to close your eyes for a minute.

All right. Humor me. And I want you to think of the most beautiful thing you've ever seen in nature. Whether it's a mountain brook or whether it's a the sun setting on the o water or whatever it is, think for a moment about the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

Okay? God thinks you are more beautiful than that thing. In the Genesis story, he creates the heavens and the earth. He creates the trees.

He creates the birds. He creates the animals. And every time he says, God looks at it and he says, "It was good." And then in Genesis 1:26, he says, "Let us make man in our image.

In the image of God he made them." And then when he was done with that, he says, "It's very good." Okay? It was always good, but after he made us, it was very good.

Which means he thinks we're more beautiful than the most beautiful thing you just imagined. Okay? How cool is that? You're not some You're not some rag, okay?

You're not some person of insignificance. Before the dawn of time, he knew you. He loved you. He adored you.

And he created you. And he created you with a purpose, but he created you. And he loves you just as you are. Um, in this book, I quote uh something from a book by Adrien Rogers.

Adrien Rogers is an old-time preacher and really influenced a lot of the people that um I knew when I was first getting started. And he wrote this in the book, The Wonder of It All, and I just want to share it and wrap this piece, you are uniquely and divinely created. You are chosen to be a co-air with the son of God to the glories and riches to heaven. It says, Princess, okay?

You are a co-air to the riches of Christ. What a wonderful salvation is yours. Have you ever wondered when you became so special to him? It was in the council halls of eternity.

It was before he swung the world into space. You were on his heart before anything else was. You are special like none other. What a humbling thought to know that we were in the heart and mind of God before the foundation of the world.

God is with us. Okay? God loves you and he's with you. Okay, I'm God's little boy.

All right, I'm his little boy. I finally I finally got that. Okay, it the journey started with discovering that, oh, I had this hurt. And then it was beginning to actually embrace the truth of what God says about me.

There are times I'm I'm eating and I spill sauce on my shirt or or a spaghetti sauce. I'm pretty if I have a white shirt, it's pretty much a guarantee it's gonna happen. Um, and I know he's just looking down at me like that Brian, he's a nut. You know that he's It's that kind of relationship.

He loves us like that. Okay, it and I I just it floores me. It's it's it's almost too good to be true that the creator of the universe could love us like that, but he does. Okay?

And you can't earn it. You're not going to do enough good works to make him love you more. He already loves you as much as possible. And you can't screw up too much to love him less as long as you keep that relationship there.

Do you love your kids less when they mess up? No. You're disappointed in them maybe, but you don't love them any less. Okay.

My twins that are adopted, I love them exactly the same as my other kids. I have different relationships with them, but I love them the same. God loves you just as much. Whether you're a preacher or a popper or everything in between, okay?

He loves you just as much. He doesn't love me more than you or you more than me. Okay? And it's freely given.

Jesus loves you. There's When I started this church, we were doing blippets and I would always end it with Jesus loves you and there's nothing you can do about it. There's nothing you can do about it. He just loves you.

Okay? We've got to embrace that. That has to become more true than the little voice that's telling you you're not good enough. you're insignificant.

Okay? It's got to become more true. So, first step, you've got to acknowledge that you've got that pain, whatever it is. Second thing you got to do is write this down.

You got to accept what Jesus says about you. Write this down. The truest thing about you is that you are loved. You are adored by God.

It's the truest thing about you. The father of lies, you're that. But Jesus, who is truth, says you're loved by God, which makes you special, which makes you significant, which makes you important. I don't care who you are.

Everyone we meet on that street is important. They're all hurting, and they're all important. Okay? So, first, acknowledge deep hurt.

Second, embrace the truth. God loves and adores you. Three, you've got to bring that hurt into the light for Jesus to heal you. If you keep it in the dark, you can't get healthy.

Okay, [laughter] now I'm thinking about my mom. Matthew 28:18 Jesus says, "All authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth." Now, if all authority has been given to him, how much authority does the devil have? He can't have any.

Okay? If Jesus is truth and [clears throat] he says all authority, see the devil that Jesus messed with or that messed with with Jesus is different than the devil we deal with. Okay? When Jesus was being tempted, the devil came to him and said, 'I'll give you all the things of the earth if you'll just bow down and worship me.

And they were his to give. Jesus didn't dispute that they were his to give. But once Jesus died on that cross, took the keys to Haiti, and rose again, now all authority has been given to him. The devil is a defeated enemy.

Okay? That dude who's whispering that lie to you is a defeated enemy. He only has power if you keep it in the dark. If you keep it in the dark, if you bring it in the light, Satan has no ability to mess with you.

And there is a real Satan. There is real demons. This this is real. This isn't pretend.

Okay? We really are in a great battle between good and evil. Okay? But our God's already won the battle.

Okay? The devil only has power if you will if you believe him his lies and you keep everything hidden or you open it up with things like seances or or drugs and stuff. You can open up the door for the devil to mess with you through those types of things. Okay?

Or by keeping stuff in the dark. Grace does away with shame and guilt. There is now no more shame [snorts] and guilt or there shouldn't be. Okay?

So, if you're still apologizing for the things you did 10 years ago after you've been saved, if you're still having shame and guilt about these things in the past, you're not embracing what Jesus did on that cross. He took it away. He took it away. You you you're not you're not guilty of that anymore.

And you can't let the devil continue to try to get you guilt feeling guilty about it. Okay? It's not truth. It's like Jesus set us free, but but we still cling to that old self, to that shame and guilt.

It's like the doors to the prison have been open and instead of walking out in freedom, you stay in jail. Like I think Shaw Shank Redemption, that's what was what that movie, that's why so many people it's it's just one of those quiet movies that everyone kind of likes if they watch it. It's this thing where and it's amazing. Those guys are in that prison so long that that they get used to it and they they almost can't function outside anymore, right?

They don't want to walk in freedom. And and but but that's where we're supposed to be. And he finally gets out and free and he's driving with the Corvette and the top down and it's like, yes, well, we're all free, man. We're free.

The joy of the Lord is ours. Okay. The devil has no authority unless you allow it to stay in the darkness. Okay.

So, the third step is taking that sin to the Lord. And here's how it worked for me. And it took three years for me to work through this all. You you get down on your knees and you ask Jesus to forgive you first for not believing what he did on the cross, for not really walking in that.

Okay? But then you begin to to ask him to come in, shine a light, and heal the hurt. And what's going to happen is you're going to God's going to reveal to you people that you wronged. And you're going to have to go and apologize to them.

Repent to God because against him and him alone, we sin, right? And then apologize to them. He's going to bring up things that that you know, you didn't even realize. I had to go to um he he brought up that I had uh made an idol of my uh second wife.

I had to go to her and after I repented, I had to go to her and apologize. And I wrote a letter to all my kids to get it out there and apologize to them for the damage that happened in their life. Okay. To clean that up.

Um I my father has passed away. He's been God. I had to get on my knees and forgive him even though he's dead. I had to forgive him in my heart.

And then I had to ask him to forgive me for talking and some of the things that I did. Okay? And you keep doing this every day until soon everything's been everything is out in the open. And now once that happens and you've repented of it all, the devil has nowhere to go.

He's just going to have to pick on somebody else because you're free and he can't mess with you. There's nothing hiding in the dark anymore. And it's a beautiful place to be. When you're there, you don't have any fear, doubt, worry.

It's just there's a confidence, there's a peace that surpasses all understanding. It begins to manifest in your life. Okay? Don't be trying to think that you can fix this.

We're like an iceberg. Okay? You know, an iceberg has like 10% of its mass above that you can see and then it's 80% or 90% of its mass underneath. Our knowledge of our personality is like the part that you can see.

Okay? But our personality, the depth of it goes way down deeper. And only God really knows it. Only God who created you really knows what makes you click on the deepest levels.

Okay? And so when we try to figure it out, oh, all I need is this and that'll make me feel better. All I need is this. What you're doing is you're trying to take God's place and fix up your stuff, but you're doing it from a finite understanding.

Okay? You're going to the created being for healing instead of going to the creator for healing. And that's where you need to go because he's the one who can heal you. At the bottom of all of this shame and guilt and all the things wrong that have happened to you in the past, okay, underneath it all is sin.

Right? Sin is the core root problem of really everything pretty much. And there's only one answer for sin, and that's Jesus. Okay?

So, when we try to fix it all ourselves, we're we're really making a bad mistake. It's like we're substituting um you know, someone who doesn't know what they're doing for the the dude who has it and knows it. Okay? It's a poor substitution.

Um it would be like uh to use a football analogy, Kirby Smart to put me in a quarterback, okay, uh of the Georgia Bulldogs. That would be a bad substitution. Okay, I can throw it about 15 feet. Um, a little farther, but it would be but but that's what we're doing when we're trying to fix our problems ourselves.

Okay, we're take it out of his hands. We got to go and get down on our knees and keep going down on our knees. The power of grace takes away shame and guilt. God says you are free.

You are forgiven. You don't have to earn it. You just need to embrace it. Jesus took it all away.

You have to embrace it. You have to live in that healing, in that new creation, in that truth. So, write the truths down, okay? Take the hurt to the Lord in prayer every day.

A and it may be you you keep doing that and you're doing that and then you feel like you're free and then a month later he he reminds you of something else and then now you've got another thing to repent of. That's okay. Okay. But as you do that and you take it in the light and you truly understand that God's now forgiven it.

Listen, God knows what you're doing. God knows the hurts, right? You're not bringing he's like, "Oh, wow. I didn't see that coming."

No, no, no. He knows it. But we have to bring it in front of him. We have to lay it down.

Otherwise, it's going to affect our relationships. It's going to affect our lives. We've got to get healthy and we've got to get healed. Okay?

It's not if you have a deep hurt, you have one. It's time to lay it down and rise up into the new creation that you already are. You're already a new creation. We're just not walking in it because we're clinging to old habits and old things and lies from the devil.

So, keep praying. Keep bringing into light until one day it's gone. It's no longer affecting your relationships or your life. You're truly walking in freedom.

It could take a week. It could take three years. took me three years to finally heal that wound and to walk in freedom. But man, there's no fear, there's joy, there's peace.

It's a beautiful place to be. So, acknowledge the hurt. Step one, embrace the truth. You're loved.

Desperately, unbelievably loved by God. It's the truest thing about you. Embrace that truth. you're free.

You're a new creation. And then bring it into the light and let God heal it. Just bring it in front of him every day until it's healed. Okay?

And and when it's healed, [sighs] there's just he just devil can't mess with you, man. It's just neat. Um godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6, it's a very cool verse to get to.

godliness with contentment. It's a great game. Okay. And as Gabe and Kelsey, come on up.

I'd love to see this altar filled today. Okay. Um I want you to to to as we spend this time in reflection, man, really think, you know, really go deep in your heart. You know what it is deep down that you're afraid of.

What it is that you don't want to reveal to anyone, that secret hurt. Okay? And I say you bring it into the light. You can lay it down right here.

Bring it into the light. Okay? You'll have to bring it to people you love. Okay?

After you've repented because you'll want to ask their forgiveness if you've harmed them in any way. But man, then you can release it and then you're free and it's an amazing place to be. So I pray that today you take it to God. I plead with you.

I plead with you to to take it to God and let it go, okay? And to walk in the freedom that is yours already. You just have to embrace it.